Hello. My name is D.A. and Ive played fantasy sports since 1998.
Unfortunately, experience has yet to translate into success. I can still remember that fateful first autumn nine seasons ago when my buddies from high school and I stumbled across this fantasy world. It was a way to keep in contact, while matching your sports acumen and killing time, ahem, productively. In addition to fake football, Ive participated in fantasy basketball, roto baseball and as startling as this information is even to me, fantasy hockey.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I have never won a league championship, despite working in sports media the entire time. I will not put this on my resume. Only one time in the past nine years have I even sniffed a title and that was in the winter of 2001-02, when I finished a solid second to my college buddy Ho-Chen in our NBA league. Of course, I spent that entire winter unemployed and single. Direct correlation, kids.
Sure, with as much losing as the Devil Rays, my interest has sporadically waned. Every August I palm my mouse and wonder, -Should I put myself through Chinese Waiver Wire Torture again?-
Plus every September, Im locked in an online draft room punching myself in the face for A) hating my team by round three and B) wasting that much of my life punching myself in the face.
But, I was back at it Sunday night with my crew of college buddies from Syracuse University and the Marshall Street League (named appropriately after the row of dive bars and pizza joints off campus. Our original collective waste of time before fantasy).
Luckily, Labor Day meant it wasnt a school night and I took full advantage. If I was going to enter self-loathing 101 again, I should at least make it productive. So, I created a personal drinking game. Every time I felt like punching myself in the face, I would drink from my beer. Everytime I felt like punching one of my buddies, the same thing. By the end of the night, I would likely forget just how crummy the upcoming season would be.
9:32p. Log onto EAsports.com and try to launch draft cast for DAs Dynamo. Twenty-eight minutes to go. First year we are trying the new site. The live draft window looks like some 13-year-olds Myspace page. Drink.
9:45p. We are 15 minutes from draft time and I cant pull down menus, search rosters or queue of draft choices. EA is showing its inexperience and the MSL is paying the price. Drink.
9:57p. At this rate, I should be wasted by the second round. EA Sports page tells me its experiencing problems, but it will be up shortly. Unfortunately, Im on the clock in four minutes. Madden 91 didnt have this many glitches.
10:01p. We are off and running on the MSLs seventh annual NFL fantasy draft. The guy with the number one choice is absent. Of the twelve team league, only seven of us are actually live in the draft room. Drink. Come on. Ive never been absent to a live draft, even racing to and from my apartment and work last year because somehow BOTH computers wouldnt support the live draft cast. Bad memories. Drink.
10:02p. Number one pick in the draft is Larry Johnson. Im up second. I go with LaDanian Tomlinson. In San Diego, theyve got run-happy Marty Schottenheimer, an unproven quarterback and a linebacker shot three times for a DUI. Why not give LT the rock!
10:14p. While waiting for my second pick, -The Illest Team Ever- selects Texans runningback Domanick Davis, who is out for the season. This prompts the chat message from an opposing owner, -The Illest Team Ever just took the illest runningback ever.- I have no idea who even owns this team, but its like watching Kevin Federline at the VMAs. Its such a trainwreck its not even fun. Two-fer. Drink AND punch myself in the face.
10:24p: Im finally on the clock again thanks to the snake system, where the owner who chooses number one overall, then selects last in the second round and first in the third. DAs Dynamo goes Marvin Harrison in the second, then follows up with DeShaun Foster in the third to shock the world! Runningbacks are like Wonkas Golden Ticket in just about every league weve ever had and I always seem to ignore this. Not today my friends!
10:26p: Just read in the Sports Illustrated preview issue that even Panthers head coach John Fox wonders if Foster will overcome his injury bug. He has never averaged more than 18 carries per game. Uh oh. Drink.
10:46p. We are a mere four rounds into the draft, with 12 more to go. Luckily all my buddies are still back east and many work in nightly television, meaning the start time is often later than Lenos monolague. I have 12 more picks?
10:53p. After nabbing Daunte Culpepper, Eddie Kennison and Jake Delhomme, I cave. Potential sleeper at WR? I select Minnesotas Troy Williamson. Somebody has to nab 1,000 yards in pass-happy Minnesota, right? Wrong. My own starter D-Pep is now in Miami, theyve switched to a running offense and Williamson will have 64-year-old Brad Johnson throwing to him. Didnt he back up Sean Salisbury in the 80s? Drink.
11:12p. Its fun to watch myself scramble to fix my own mistakes. Like taking Delhomme early because I wasnt sold D-Pep (which is like a hip-hop version of Dr. Pepper, too) could come back from the ACL. Or selecting Willie Parker to spell the inevitable groin tear of Foster. I feel like Im running the Royals.
11:18p. DAs Dynamo has his TE (Heath Miller) and defense (Jacksonville), so the only meaningless position left to fill? Kicker! This one is a no-brainer. Only one NFL starting kicker laced it up and attended the Birth-DA this summer, plus he didnt run screaming while we competed in drinking games with solo cups of keg beer. Its Kansas Citys Lawrence Tynes, everyone! Plus, he lugged his wife along AND played in NFL Europe. This ones a no-brainer. I feel the mojo rising.
11:49p. Nearly two hours of this silliness has turned my brain into Lionel Daultons gut. At least four players with season ending injuries or drug suspensions have been taken. Hell, I think my buddy Penz just took Maurice Clarett. Looks like Penz is getting his Goose on. Drink.
11:52p. DAs Dymano selects Atlanta WR Roddy White with their 15th and final pick. I know Brian Finnerans gone for the season. I know Michael Vick shed tears over it like he was watching -The Notebook-. Im assuming he would like to throw to someone else. Plus, the guy sounds like he was in -Whats Happenin- Solid way to end the draft. Re-run, Roddy and stumbling away from the laptop drunk on fantasy.
BEST OF: The Panthers Dancers stop by and don't stop talking for twenty minutes. Wait, you're home schooled? BEST OF: Heat legend Glen Rice in studio on dropping 56 on the Magic, Final Fours and MMA. BEST OF: "The Obama Guy" now has D.A.'s old job! He asked the Prez a question, then he joined the show. BEST OF: Phil and Chris Simms drop by the broadcast to rap about dad's career and son's future. BEST OF: Why so few minority college coaches? DA answers with one word: Boosters. BEST OF: When a Super Bowl MVP and Hall of Famer talks, you listen. The immortal Lynn Swann. BEST OF: TNA Wrestling's Traci Brooks on being blessed with, ahem, great dimensions. DA LOVES THE KIDS: After Marlins summer-camp day, the next gen of Fish Fans might be in trouble. DA LOVES THE KIDS: Part 1 Heat charity camp shows us D-Wright's defense needs a little work.
DA LOVES THE KIDS: Part 2 Not everyone is thrilled with the hiring of Eric Spoelstra. INSTANT CLASSIC: Free-agent Joe Horn blasts his old coaches and asks for Dolphins forgiveness, all live on the show! INSTANT CLASSIC: The man who took down Kimbo Slice: overnight celebrity Seth Petruzelli talks about the fight that stunned the fight world. BEST OF: Author Jeff Pearlman on the controversial Cowboys dynasty. Uh, ew. BEST OF: Heat rookie Mario Chalmers needs help hot-boxing. Cough, cough.. BEST OF: DA is named a Godfather. Can he handle the responsibility or will he sleep with the fishes? BEST OF: DA witnesses the greatest kids game ever. Rock, paper, scissors, space! STAR WARS GEEKS: Part 1 DA goes where no sportstalk host has gone before: Star Wars premier night.
STAR WARS GEEKS: Part 2 Will DA make it out alive or turn into an extra from the Cantina Bar? INSTANT CLASSIC: Legend of the MMA Dan "Hendo" Henderson on the circus attraction to Kimbo and the rise of UFC. BEST OF: New UFC Champ Forrest Griffin on the belt and bouncing out of fighting while the gettin's good. INSTANT CLASSIC: Zo's youth clinic brings us immediate joy: Heat Kids Say the Darndest Things BEST OF: Miami boxer Joey "Twinkle Fingers" Hernandez found himself on the streets. How he got his mojo back. BEST OF: CBS4 Weather Wizard and Miss Florida Lissette Gonzalez on the jet-stream and the wave. BEST OF: Marino delivers a commencement speech and DA's own graduation horrors. INSTANT CLASSIC: Cats winger Nathan Horton is married to a Playmate? Oops. INSTANT CLASSIC: What does JoePa really mean at pressers? Ask Penn State 101. INSTANT CLASSIC: St. Patty's Day means celebrating Irish sports legends: DA Show style. INSTANT CLASSIC: Canes Big Man Dwayne Collins has his Aladdin DVD stolen. The Horror! INSTANT CLASSIC: Dontrelle says peace to South Florida with DA. Here's his Top-3 movies of all-time. SUPER BOWL XLII: NYG's Lawrence Tynes stops by after the ticker tape parade. INSTANT CLASSIC: Is Shaq becoming M.C. Hammer Jr? Say it ain't so. INSTANT CLASSIC: DA melts down as his alma mater brings brings back the dimwitted Greg Robinson for more SU pain. INSTANT CLASSIC: This placed DA squarely on the Chiefs blacklist forever. DA and King Carl in THE Battle Royale. BEST OF: Where it all started: Herm
and Carl agree... Damon is a nice name. SUPER BOWL XL: D.A. does his best investigative work ever. It's the field turf press conference from Detroit. INSTANT CLASSIC: The Mark Mangino Montage tastes better than ever! INSTANT CLASSIC: The 2007 Herm-Gasm. 'Nuff said. INSTANT CLASSIC: The Chiefs Dept. of Misinformation is at it once again. Are the Chiefs wearing white or not? Don't ask them. INSTANT CLASSIC: Chicago's legendary Mike North joins DA to preview Chiefs- Bears. Da Bears! INSTANT CLASSIC : The annual DA Show NBA Mock Draft is here... with a return from Stormbot. FEATURED AUDIO: Royals legend Denny Matthews has bought his first cell phone. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as 6-4-3. FEATURED AUDIO: A fond DA Show farewell to Buddy Bell. He really was "Our Buddy." FEATURED AUDIO
: Lauren Nichole has made quite an impression with her traffic reports. Great or gross? You decide. The
one, the only, Zach Greinke from Royals Spring Training. The
2007 One NIT NIT Moment.
The 2006 Caller Hall of Fame Track One: Christopher Walken's legendary roast
of the new class
First the staff. Then listeners. Now LJ has the Herm-gasm? Crazy
Ray sings the Growing Pains theme song. The
Royals 70's jingle that puts a smile on your face during another horrid season
in KC. The
local TV anchors slip up on the broadcast and luckily the D.A. Show was rolling
tape. 6-6-06:
The Crypt Keeper's Holiday Crazy
Ray displays his talent for singing. Could he make a run at the next American
Idol? Oklahoma
takes it on the chin with this famous call from R.B. Missed
any of the NIT NIT action? Check out the recaps of the games and a special
edition of The One NIT NIT Moment. We
couldn't leave Alex the Intern out of the mix, check out the drunk dial message
Alex left for D.A. The
D.A. Show tribute to Alan Thicke.
Is
Crazy Ray really crazy? Take a listen to find out.
A
D.A. Show Investigation reveals color commentators handing out the pink slip
to local college coaches.
Quinner's
feeling a bit down. We ask, what's wrong with Quinn Snyder? Herm Edwards gave us quotable material right from jump street. He gets a montage based on his introduction presser. A
staple of any good office party. It's the Dick Vermeil montage XP: final edition.
Duh, ok.
DA's Hometown Hottie contest created controversy throughout KC. Radio superstar Johnny Dare stuck his nose in the middle of it. The
callers finally had their own chance to put their stamp on the Vermeil montage Why
do the sista's hate the show? It all started here: Yvette's call of the day The original D.A. Show parody of Jim Rome's smack-off (circa '04). The '05 D.A. Show parody of Jim Rome's smack-off, complete with a certain national columnist. The '06 smack-smack, which brought all the D.A. Show legends together for one fab event. You asked for it. We delivered. DA Show icon Alan Thicke's first appearance.
Hello. My name is D.A. and Ive played fantasy sports since 1998. 
