With this summers World Cup just days away, I had the chance to take part in more soccer history Saturday night. The Wizards invited me, along with my producer Kling, to actually don an official team uniform and kick it around on the Arrowhead Stadium turf at halftime of the Wiz-Red Bulls game. The opportunity itself was not the historic part for The DA Show. I have driven (ok, ridden shotgun) in an actual NASCAR vehicle at the Kansas Speedway, been taken high above the Kansas City skyline in a WWII bomber (open cockpit ladies) and shanked a regulation field goal with the aid of Chiefs kicker Lawrence Tynes.
The history Saturday night was in the assembling of an extraordinary cast of brutes, beauties and bookworms in an attempt to play the worlds game. The Wizards marketing department organized a media scrimmage, in which assorted on-air personalities would ball 7-on-7 at intermission. Goals would be moved up to the top of the penalty boxes, no offsides, no goalies. Ten minutes of disjointed, disparate, disinteresting soccer.
You see, Kling and I strutted into Arrowhead as the hands-on favorites to dominate the media game like radio Ronaldos. The lone qualification for playing in the event was ownership of an email account. So soft were the restrictions, one of my teammates actually asked me five minutes before kickoff how to play the game. Brad Porter of Metro Sports, Fox-4s Nick Vasos and Mixs Rocket were all invited. But Kling and I actually play weekly in rec-teams at All-America in Lenexa. We both played organized soccer growing up. We are even (gasp!) looking into World Cup watch parties for the show.
After glancing over the rosters, Kling and I were so flush with confidence Friday we agreed upon a goal dance. Yep, the Digital Crawl would be broken out every time either one of us scored. How many times would we salute former Wizard Digital Takiwara by crawling on all fours along the goal line? Five? Six? I put the over-under of goals scored in the game at eight. Hamerin Hank was wise to take the under.
There was good, bad and ugly as the game got underway. The goods were pretty limited. The Wizards splurged and doled out authentic team jerseys with our names on the back, team shorts and socks. In the immortal words of Andre 3000, we indeed looked so fresh and so clean. Survivor champion Danni Boatwright would have looked good in Meister Brau-stained Zubaz and a divers mask, but she looked extra delicious in her white Wiz jersey.
The bad was plentiful. The team picture must have looked like a 1986 set of Garbage Pail Kids; a collage of beer guts, bald spots and tennis shoes. The play itself was straight up little league beehive soccer. You know, no set positions or plays allowing everyone to swarm to the ball like bees on a honeycomb. How about the lack of athletic skill? If Brazil plays the game as art, we played the game like Art Vandelay. Dreadful passing, terrible shot selection and weezing at the five-miute mark.
I had started out on fire, pumping up the DA Show crazies in section 121 by pointing to my bright red cleats and taking two runs up the left wing while deftly dishing to teammates inside. With the game still scoreless early, I placed a corner kick perfectly in front of the goalmouth. Of course, I think most of my teammates were waiting for the centerfielder to jump at the warning track and steal it. It squirted by with no shot on goal. The glory faded quickly. I found my lungs burning and legs shot soon thereafter. I looked up at the clock. Only three minutes gone by. Ouch.
Upon realization that my Digital Crawl might be limited to less than a hat tricks worth, I took time to survey my surroundings. Ten-thousand rabid soccer fans were watching this slop? The retired names of Lenny Dawson, Buck Buchanan and Willy Lanier were staring down on this ragtag bunch of hacks? Heck, the background music said it all. The PA system blared the theme song from the Benny Hill Show. Sheer unintentional comedy.
On this beautiful night at the venerable Truman Sports Complex, on the same turf Trent Green zips spirals to Tony Gonzalez and Larry Johnson explodes through defenders, the halftime entertainment was well, not so entertaining. The final score was 2-nil, bad guys. I came up Crawl-less and in need of a respirator. I had let down my homeboys in 121. What else could I do? After the final gun had sounded (symbolically putting this display out of its misery) I raced back to the DA Show section reached over the wall, slapped them all five and got down on all fours. Hey, I may not have scored. But the Digital Crawl was deserved. They had witnessed, ahem... history.
BEST OF: The Panthers Dancers stop by and don't stop talking for twenty minutes. Wait, you're home schooled? BEST OF: Heat legend Glen Rice in studio on dropping 56 on the Magic, Final Fours and MMA. BEST OF: "The Obama Guy" now has D.A.'s old job! He asked the Prez a question, then he joined the show. BEST OF: Phil and Chris Simms drop by the broadcast to rap about dad's career and son's future. BEST OF: Why so few minority college coaches? DA answers with one word: Boosters. BEST OF: When a Super Bowl MVP and Hall of Famer talks, you listen. The immortal Lynn Swann. BEST OF: TNA Wrestling's Traci Brooks on being blessed with, ahem, great dimensions. DA LOVES THE KIDS: After Marlins summer-camp day, the next gen of Fish Fans might be in trouble. DA LOVES THE KIDS: Part 1 Heat charity camp shows us D-Wright's defense needs a little work.
DA LOVES THE KIDS: Part 2 Not everyone is thrilled with the hiring of Eric Spoelstra. INSTANT CLASSIC: Free-agent Joe Horn blasts his old coaches and asks for Dolphins forgiveness, all live on the show! INSTANT CLASSIC: The man who took down Kimbo Slice: overnight celebrity Seth Petruzelli talks about the fight that stunned the fight world. BEST OF: Author Jeff Pearlman on the controversial Cowboys dynasty. Uh, ew. BEST OF: Heat rookie Mario Chalmers needs help hot-boxing. Cough, cough.. BEST OF: DA is named a Godfather. Can he handle the responsibility or will he sleep with the fishes? BEST OF: DA witnesses the greatest kids game ever. Rock, paper, scissors, space! STAR WARS GEEKS: Part 1 DA goes where no sportstalk host has gone before: Star Wars premier night.
STAR WARS GEEKS: Part 2 Will DA make it out alive or turn into an extra from the Cantina Bar? INSTANT CLASSIC: Legend of the MMA Dan "Hendo" Henderson on the circus attraction to Kimbo and the rise of UFC. BEST OF: New UFC Champ Forrest Griffin on the belt and bouncing out of fighting while the gettin's good. INSTANT CLASSIC: Zo's youth clinic brings us immediate joy: Heat Kids Say the Darndest Things BEST OF: Miami boxer Joey "Twinkle Fingers" Hernandez found himself on the streets. How he got his mojo back. BEST OF: CBS4 Weather Wizard and Miss Florida Lissette Gonzalez on the jet-stream and the wave. BEST OF: Marino delivers a commencement speech and DA's own graduation horrors. INSTANT CLASSIC: Cats winger Nathan Horton is married to a Playmate? Oops. INSTANT CLASSIC: What does JoePa really mean at pressers? Ask Penn State 101. INSTANT CLASSIC: St. Patty's Day means celebrating Irish sports legends: DA Show style. INSTANT CLASSIC: Canes Big Man Dwayne Collins has his Aladdin DVD stolen. The Horror! INSTANT CLASSIC: Dontrelle says peace to South Florida with DA. Here's his Top-3 movies of all-time. SUPER BOWL XLII: NYG's Lawrence Tynes stops by after the ticker tape parade. INSTANT CLASSIC: Is Shaq becoming M.C. Hammer Jr? Say it ain't so. INSTANT CLASSIC: DA melts down as his alma mater brings brings back the dimwitted Greg Robinson for more SU pain. INSTANT CLASSIC: This placed DA squarely on the Chiefs blacklist forever. DA and King Carl in THE Battle Royale. BEST OF: Where it all started: Herm
and Carl agree... Damon is a nice name. SUPER BOWL XL: D.A. does his best investigative work ever. It's the field turf press conference from Detroit. INSTANT CLASSIC: The Mark Mangino Montage tastes better than ever! INSTANT CLASSIC: The 2007 Herm-Gasm. 'Nuff said. INSTANT CLASSIC: The Chiefs Dept. of Misinformation is at it once again. Are the Chiefs wearing white or not? Don't ask them. INSTANT CLASSIC: Chicago's legendary Mike North joins DA to preview Chiefs- Bears. Da Bears! INSTANT CLASSIC : The annual DA Show NBA Mock Draft is here... with a return from Stormbot. FEATURED AUDIO: Royals legend Denny Matthews has bought his first cell phone. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as 6-4-3. FEATURED AUDIO: A fond DA Show farewell to Buddy Bell. He really was "Our Buddy." FEATURED AUDIO
: Lauren Nichole has made quite an impression with her traffic reports. Great or gross? You decide. The
one, the only, Zach Greinke from Royals Spring Training. The
2007 One NIT NIT Moment.
The 2006 Caller Hall of Fame Track One: Christopher Walken's legendary roast
of the new class
First the staff. Then listeners. Now LJ has the Herm-gasm? Crazy
Ray sings the Growing Pains theme song. The
Royals 70's jingle that puts a smile on your face during another horrid season
in KC. The
local TV anchors slip up on the broadcast and luckily the D.A. Show was rolling
tape. 6-6-06:
The Crypt Keeper's Holiday Crazy
Ray displays his talent for singing. Could he make a run at the next American
Idol? Oklahoma
takes it on the chin with this famous call from R.B. Missed
any of the NIT NIT action? Check out the recaps of the games and a special
edition of The One NIT NIT Moment. We
couldn't leave Alex the Intern out of the mix, check out the drunk dial message
Alex left for D.A. The
D.A. Show tribute to Alan Thicke.
Is
Crazy Ray really crazy? Take a listen to find out.
A
D.A. Show Investigation reveals color commentators handing out the pink slip
to local college coaches.
Quinner's
feeling a bit down. We ask, what's wrong with Quinn Snyder? Herm Edwards gave us quotable material right from jump street. He gets a montage based on his introduction presser. A
staple of any good office party. It's the Dick Vermeil montage XP: final edition.
Duh, ok.
DA's Hometown Hottie contest created controversy throughout KC. Radio superstar Johnny Dare stuck his nose in the middle of it. The
callers finally had their own chance to put their stamp on the Vermeil montage Why
do the sista's hate the show? It all started here: Yvette's call of the day The original D.A. Show parody of Jim Rome's smack-off (circa '04). The '05 D.A. Show parody of Jim Rome's smack-off, complete with a certain national columnist. The '06 smack-smack, which brought all the D.A. Show legends together for one fab event. You asked for it. We delivered. DA Show icon Alan Thicke's first appearance.
With this summers World Cup just days away, I had the chance to take part in more soccer history Saturday night. The Wizards invited me, along with my producer Kling, to actually don an official team uniform and kick it around on the Arrowhead Stadium turf at halftime of the Wiz-Red Bulls game. The opportunity itself was not the historic part for The DA Show. I have driven (ok, ridden shotgun) in an actual NASCAR vehicle at the Kansas Speedway, been taken high above the Kansas City skyline in a WWII bomber (open cockpit ladies) and shanked a regulation field goal with the aid of Chiefs kicker Lawrence Tynes.
